20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
