Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
