Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
