I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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