kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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