you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
