i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
