Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
