my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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