she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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