Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
