I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
