If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
