just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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