Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is the high leading the old right now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
