I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
