we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
