I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
