i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
