Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
