New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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