i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
