Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
