when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Farmville is her only friend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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