Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
