i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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