Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
