My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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