Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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