Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
