well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
