1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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