Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
