He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
