i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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