im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
