i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
