Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
