I think i peed on brittanys purse
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
