don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
