Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Randomize
