At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
