I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
