Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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