dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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