There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
