i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
