If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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