I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
