So drunk its hurt
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have fence marks all over my body
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Couch. On fire.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
