There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?