I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon