You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
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be right there i have to get my cape
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.