Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.