I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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