it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
