Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
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Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.