How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize