Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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