i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
