i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
