so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
