I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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