I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
