Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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