Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
