need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
