my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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