i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
