dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
