I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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