what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
