Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
