he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
