somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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