yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
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I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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