i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
