brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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