wakey wakey hands off snakey
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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