Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
