Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
porn star boner night. come get it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
